Intriguing Asian beauty products

I’ve become a bit obsessed recently with some of the beauty products on sale in normal shops like 7-11 and Boots. I know that Asia is the home of Chinese medicine and nothing should surprise me in an area where some people believe that ground up tiger penis will keep you going all night, but I still think it’s interesting.

I thought I’d share with you some of my favourite products that are around at the moment. And when I say ‘favourite’, I mean the ones that make me laugh.

These aren’t unusual products you buy on the internet or in specialist shops, these pictures were all taken in common places like convenience stores.

You’ve probably heard of the popularity of whitening products in South East Asia. Many moisturisers, deodorant, and even suncreams have ingredients in that will make your skin white. Just like how we like tanning products in western countries, in Asia people like to have white skin. White skin signifies not having to work outside and thus having a more professional job.

You can go in the sun, and come back whiter than before. Amazing.

This goes as far as anal whitening products (cos who wants a dark bum?) and nipple pinkening products.

Recently, it’s not just ‘white’ products that are popular, but ‘snail white’ products. Yes, snails.

A lot of products have ‘snail secretion’ in them.

Snail slime.

Apparently, this will not only make your skin white but also tighten your skin and prevent wrinkles. You could also just have a snail slither over your face, but the cream is more accessible.

Having looked this up, it seems that snail products are not a new thing. According to this Guardian article, the ancient Greeks used to crush up snails to use in beauty products, and you can actually pay for snails to explore your skin in some spas in the UK.

Who pays for this? Seriously?

Anyway, you can also get snail slime combined with other lovely beauty products

Snail slime with Aloe Vera here. Soothing and smoothing. Dunno if this also makes you whiter too.

This one has tomatoes in it too.

And this one has gold! Gold!

Nothing so soothing as a snail sliding over some gold.

Apparently, the eggs of snails are also as good for your face.

Not wanting to be left out, other ‘insects’ are getting involved in the beauty products.

Bee venom seems to be the new botox. A quick Google tells me that Kim Kardashian uses it, so it must be good…..right?

Bee venom masks freeze your face, like botox, and make you look younger.

Even the mammals have got their products.

Horse Oil. Not oil for putting on your horse, but cream with horse fat in it. Also supposed to make your skin more elastic and improve its condition.

If you prefer something a bit smaller, you can get a plankton mask. ‘Alive’ plankton it seems. Put the tiny sea creatures on your skin and they will cleanse it and detox your skin.

This one will help you revive your ‘babyface’. Just make sure you take ID with you if you want to buy beer.

As well as the beauty treatments, there are also some interesting medical products.

Yes, that’s a plaster, with chilli in it. Can you imagine putting chilli on a wound? Ouch. Apparently, these plasters aren’t for your common cuts and grazes, but for a deep-heat style pain relief. You put the plaster on the painful area and leave it for 2-3 days and it helps reduce the pain.

Wow.

Speaking of things you don’t associate with beauty products, this advert was on the MRT recently:

Diamond soap. No idea if its made with real diamonds.

If you prefer to imbibe your beauty products, the convenience stores are full of such products.

Beauti-drink will make you more beautiful with all its superfoods and minerals.

Then there are the small jars of various things.

Chicken essence, for example.

These small pots can be found in any 7-11, or bought in bulk from the supermarkets. You can even buy them in big gift baskets, ready to give your mum on mothers’ day.

According to various websites, it can combat mental fatigue and improve brain development, regulate blood sugar, improve the mood……it can do everything.

In the latest advert for it, somebody knocks over a dog in the street in Thailand and goes to prison, all because he didn’t have his chicken essence. Well, that’s what it looks like anyway. Our Thai is terrible.

It’s basically chicken stock.

I suppose your gran made you chicken soup when you were young for a reason.

Oddly, the company that makes it, Brands, is a UK company and used to supply King George IV with chicken essence. He also drank a rather large amount of alcohol and got into serious amounts of debt. You can decide if you should follow his health suggestions.

Next to the chicken essence, the same companies make a couple of other products that also come in small pots.

Birds’ nest comes with a couple of different variations: collagen, rock sugar and sweeteners. By the sounds of it, it doesn’t taste brilliant on its own.

Edible birds’ nests are made of the solidified saliva of swiftlets (yes, bird spit) and are said to promote health.

In the current advert, an actor and actress are on their way to a film premier (or some kind of black tie event) when they drink some bird’s nest. Suddenly a skateboard appears and they happily skateboard to the event.

Again, that’s what it looks like. We don’t understand the words. It’s on every billboard around the city at the moment.

Scotch (a competitor of Brands, who also make chicken essence and birds’ nest products) make small jars of prune juice. This is probably slightly less unusual, as we’ve all heard of prunes to aid digestion and help you ‘go’ (it’s a laxative).

The intriguing advert for Scotch puree showed a man in the gym who was able to ‘touch’ the stomachs of the women in the gym after he had drunk his Scotch puree. Or that’s what it looked like.

Drink your prune juice and you too can sexually harass women.

In another one, a girl falls over, a boy catches her, but ‘throws’ her away because she is too fat (she has no fat on her, by the way). She drinks her prune juice and then the next time she falls over, the boy catches her. Wrong on so many levels.

See, she’s thin now, so he likes her

Let’s be childish for a minute. Many people who’ve been the Thailand will have photos of companies called ‘Porn’ like this one:

Or this

It’s a plastic surgery clinic, in case you were wondering

‘Porn’ is a shortened form of many Thai’s first names, so less dodgy if you know that.

Still funny though, isn’t it?

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